he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
