The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
