I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
