found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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