well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i love accidental penises.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
