Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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