Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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