ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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