I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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