I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
