I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
