i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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