thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
