Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
