Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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