i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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