There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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