Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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