Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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