I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
