im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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