I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
