How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
