i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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