Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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