I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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