I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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