woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You ruined the universe
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
