I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
