happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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