I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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