During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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