***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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