Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
