The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
