The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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