I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
