Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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