Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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