So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize