i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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