Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
