I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
