my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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