He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
