At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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