I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
