Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
