I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize