oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
