I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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