turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
