you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
