Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
