umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize