I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
