Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
