I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
