I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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