its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
id be glad to
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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