I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
