Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
