I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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