I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
